Talk to them like Adults

As a general rule of thumb, Marie and I talk to our kids in exactly the same way that we talk to our adult friends.

Of course there are clearly going to be some necessary language alterations, and the topics of conversation are usually somewhat more light-hearted, however the voice I use, the cadence and tone is exactly the same as if I were talking to an adult.

We don't do the coochie-coo talk

We don't tend to go along with the baby intonation that seems to be the more common option for many adults, with lots of overexaggerated facial expressions and high-rise eyebrows that belong in a Punch-and-Judy sketch.

So you can imagine the rather bemused looks on our kids' faces when we venture out into the big wide world, and another parent suddenly engages 'baby mode' and starts bending over with hands on thighs, speaking in that sickly sweet, over-enunciated voice used only for communicating with very young children.

It's all meant with the best intentions, of course - presumably they don't want to seem threatening or overbearing - and it's most likely how they were spoken to as a child themselves.

But it makes me wonder, why do we do this? What does it actually achieve?

Last week, the children and I were at our Monday morning gymnastics session. It's one of those toddler pay-and-play set ups where your offspring (and you) are let loose in an enormous and mostly padded gymnasium with free reign of the equipment, as well as a whole host of toys and games laid out for the kids to play with.

It's brilliant - I get enough value out of the session just for myself, and the kids spend an hour and a half building their confidence and physical skills, and more importantly - tiring themselves out.

About twenty minutes into this session, I'm on the trampoline with the two-year-old while my three year old is busying himself with one of the large rubber dinosaur toys that had been left out to be played with.

After a few minutes, a lovely and clearly very well-meaning grandmother of another child, drifted gently over to him, and in the sweetest, most over-expressive "Gaga-goo-goo" voice I'd ever heard, said:

"Hello little one, do you like dinosaurs?"

He paused for a minute to gather his thoughts about this interaction, not breaking eye contact with the woman, before quietly replying,

"This is actually a Dimetrodon from the Permian period"

The woman stood in silence for while he continued to inspect the dinosaur's tail before sautering off, and all she could muster was a quiet, "...right-o".

Just talk

Kids are naturally hard-wired to learn language, and as parents our goal is to raise them into fully-fledged adults that can communicate eloquently with a solid command of whatever languages we may deem necessary.

So it seems counterintutive to me that we then introduce them to the world of spoken word with a completely different voice to that with which we speak to other adults ourselves. This applies especially to gifted kids, who tend to pick language up so much more quickly, and I worry that we do them a disservice by not offering the nuances and complexities of the language they're supposed to accomplish as they grow.

I wonder whether kids who hear their parents talking to other adults in one voice - only to then receive a 'dumbed-down' version themselves - feel that their parents don't think they can 'handle' the language, or that they are inherently different to their adult companions.

Of course I don't know any of this for sure - it's pure conjecture - but it seems to me that if you're raising a kid to speak a language, you should probably just give them the whole damn thing, not some squidgy baby version that you think they'll find easier to chew on.

I've certainly noticed this in my medical practice.

When speaking to paediatric patients, they're often much more receptive to an 'adult' voice rather than a stranger speaking down to them and being overly cutesy.

When talking to a child before an operation, I address them like an adult.

I crouch down such that I'm at their eye level, and ensure I'm not between them and their parent, or them and the door, and then I speak like I would to an adult, asking them questions and explaining what the plan is for their operation in exactly the same tone of voice with only very minor changes in vocabulary here and there.

In general, they seem to appreciate it, even the really young ones.

I imagine it's because it shows them the same courtesy and respect that you would show an adult, and that by using your normal voice, you're demonstrating to them that they are a worthy conversational adversary, rather than someone to whom you are merely gifting the privilege of your words and time as an act of auditory charity.

I might be completely wrong, and doing irreperable permanent damage by not speaking to my kids in a sweety-pie baby voice, but hey, let's see how it goes.