Embrace the Atelic

Today was absolutely spectacular, and not because anything special happened. Here is the grand total of what occurred on this sunny September Saturday. We drove to the park and ride car park, got on a bus into town, and went to the library. We sat and read in the children's section for an hour or so, then walked back through town, picked up some food, and went home again. That's it.

And it was sheer bliss.

The bus ride in was sunny, smooth and there was only one other couple on the upper deck, so we could make noise and chat and laugh without worrying so much about the impact we were having on other people. The two year old and I played I-spy while the three year old continued the robot monologue that he'd started as we clambered into the car fifteen minutes ago, and the four month old gazed in wonder at the cars flipping past and did that excited leg kick everytime he noticed anything blue. We felt like a proper family. Both Marie and I had our phones on silent, and were truly present in the moment, enjoying the minute-to-minute of just being with our kids. Of course it helps that they were on top form and happy, otherwise that bliss immediately goes out the window and you're into survival mode, but today, we got lucky.

Stepping off the bus we picked up a Lonely Sheep (the best and I won't hear otherwise) coffee from the stand-alone vendor by the department store and wandered through the market square. The town was heaving with families, couples and groups of friends. It was a beautiful contrast to the deserted streets of 2020. Buskers filled the air with optimism and the smell of exotic food trucks enticed us round each corner.

We took our time, meandering in the vague direction of the library. It didn't matter if we even made it at all, if we had to bail out early and go home, so be it. We were just enjoying the journey. We stopped to look in shop windows, read street signs, and pick up free brochures full of beautiful pictures from travel agents. If you're ever in need of inspiration for conversation material, grab a free newspaper/magazine/brochure and let your kid pick something to talk about - it works a treat. By the time we reached the library itself, everyone needed a wee and a snack, so we shovelled some cereal bars from the change bag and made a quick pit stop before heading inside. Three minutes later, we're sat cross-legged in a quiet corner of the library with a stack of books, slowly and delightedly working our way through page after page. We had no aim. It didn't matter how many we read, or if we even finished them, we just went with the flow, whatever the kids fancied. We were even joined by a couple of other kids who wandered over to listen to the stories, standing hesitantly behind my shoulder as I read aloud to the group.

With full brains and rumbling stomachs, we decided to head back up the highstreet in search of food. We wandered past a delightfully colourful trailer selling Kürtöskalács - Hungarian chimney cake - so we decided to indulge for £3.99 and share one amongst us (it was enormous). Would highly recommend. We walked and talked, tearing bits of soft warm cake off and handing it around, feeling very lucky indeed to live where we do, and when we do, and generally drinking in the signts and sounds of a rather lovely day.

We kept going and happened upon another food truck selling falafel, something the kid's hadn't tried before, and something we hadn't had in a while, so we thought why not, and sat on the rickety outdoor chairs that lined the pavement. What ensued was a hilarious blend of delicious food, reading yet more stories, chasing pigeons and making imaginary games up using the empty falafel packaging boxes. The kind and generous couple cooking in the trailer taught us how to say thank you in Arabic (شكرًا - shukran) and smiled endearingly as the two year old ran after a seagull shouting "JOAN COME BACK!". The reference for this is the book Peggy the always sorry pigeon who meets a seagul called Joan who turns her life around for the better.

We lost track of time, something I haven't done in as long as I can remember, and realised it was suddenly four o'clock and the four month old had passed out in my arms. We toddled back to the bus and drove back home.

Embrace the Atelic

We've been reading a lot recently, particularly about how to work out what you want from life, how to define success, and what things tend to make you genuinely happy, rather than just convince other people that you are. Atelic activities are those done for pure enjoyment of the process, with no particular end point, such as a walk, writing, riding a bicycle. These are activities where the purpose is the middle, rather than 'telic' activities that have a defined end point or goal. Society teaches us to have goals, aims and targets. To be productive and 'get things done'. But in reality, much of the time these add more stress and concern than they solve, and you end up more miserable than before, even though you supposedly succeeded at the goal in mind. On the other hand, atelic activities are well-known mood-boosters and well-being topper-uppers (yes I made that up). Losing track of time because you're enjoying doing something for the sake of it is what forms the bulk of our fond memories of childhood. In fact, we consider atelic activities often to be largely the domain of children, but only because adults have lost sight of how to do it.

Today was a day composed of entirely atelic activities, where it simply didn't matter if we finished what we started or achieved anything at all. We just spent time together, ate wonderful food and lost track of the day like children. And it was the best day I've had in a long time.